3 Ways I Boost my Self-Esteem

I don't necessarily have the highest self-esteem but I have come a long way from where I used to be. For a long time, I thought most people I came into contact with disliked me, thought I was weird, and always thought the worst of me. As a result I avoided people, rarely spoke, and thought very poorly of myself. Skipping forward to the present, I enjoy being around people more often, my confidence has increased significantly, I accept myself for who I am, and I am not afraid to embarrass myself. I still have a ways to go, but overall I am much happier than I used to be. Below are three ways I boost my self-esteem.

Recognize What I'm Good At

At times when I notice that I am comparing myself to others and wondering why I seem to be lacking the skills that seem to come natural to them, I try to think of things that I know I'm good at. For me, some of the things that might come to my mind are that I can paint and draw, I am self-disciplined, though I am not perfect I am a good mother, and I can be thoughtful. When I do this, I am not trying to make myself feel like I am a better than anyone else. Instead, I am just recognizing that we all have different strengths. Some things that come easy to others are very difficult for me, and some things that come easy to me are difficult for others.

Identify and Challenge my Negative Beliefs

One thing that I have learned over time is that what I perceive is not always accurate. For a long time, I had these beliefs that everyone thought the worst of me and I wasn't capable of achieving much. Every so often, I would discover that people who I thought disliked me actually admired me, and what I thought were unrealistic dreams, became reality. So, now something I do when I notice I am feeling unlikable or incompetent is acknowledge the thought that is bringing me down. I then try to think of any evidence there might be to back up the negative belief or prove it wrong. If I can't think of anything that definitively proves or disproves the negative belief, I dismiss it as a possible misperception. AN example of when I used this was when I was considering doing a master's program. I had always thought that only really smart people who get perfect grades could get a master's degree. I do my best in school, but very rarely do I get straight A's. Another thing that I questioned was whether I was capable of doing master's program while also working full-time and raising a child. I tried to think of whether there were any reasons why I would or would not be able to complete a master's program and was able to determine that I had made it that far with school even when I hadn't thought I would be able to earn a bachelor's degree, so there was nothing stopping me from completing a master's program. I am now on my third class into the program and feel confident that I can make it through to the end.

Stop Being a People-Pleaser

Being a people-pleaser is something that I have always struggled with. I still do somewhat but not quite as much as I used to. For some reason, I have always prioritized other people's wants and needs ahead of mine and have felt disappointed in myself if I was unable to make others happy. Eventually, I realized that I am just as important as anyone else and I also deserve to be happy. Making myself a priority does not mean that I am selfish and always put myself before everyone else. What I mean is that I allow myself to say "no" when I don't want to do something. If someone asks me to work overtime, hangout, or commit to something and I don't want to do it or have the time, then I can say "no" and I do not have to feel bad or try to make up for it. Setting boundaries like this helps me recognize that I have value just as much as anyone else and that I deserve to be happy. By not placing all my value on what other people think of me, I am able to find more accurate ways of assessing myself.